The Materia Mistake
by Aeon Princess
Summary: Yuna cooks stew that has contaminated materia in it - which gives Wakka a nasty surprise... newly updated with two chapters!!
1. Hey, it cooked!

The Materia Mistake  
  
"Hum da dum dee dum!" Sang a cheerful Yuna, standing at the stove. She picked up bottles, tied up bags, turned off switches, and fumbled with the stove. It was not the first time she'd been cooking for her friends.  
  
Tidus was outside watering the daisies. "Ahh my pretties, grow and grow, and grow," he said loudly, in a singsong voice. But secretly, under his breath, he cackled, ".and help me take over the world in a mad destruction course!"  
  
Lulu was driving around the block in her corvette. "Vrrooom vroom!" she screamed out the window, after her seventy-fifth cruise around the neighborhood. Mog was hanging on tight to the antenna, squeaking "Kupoooooooooo! (Stop the car dammit!)"  
  
Wakka was running laps around the backyard. He was panting hard now. "M..must...do..third...lap..," he panted, his fur sweating. Auron was chasing him, swinging his sword. "Run faster, dammit!"  
  
Yuna had plenty of material in her kimono sleeve. She was dancing around and felt them jingling in her sleeve pocket. "Hmm, I should put these somewhere safe," she told herself, and took a few out.  
  
Yuna had a handful of them, and one just happened to slip out of her hand. However she didn't notice it, for it landed ever so lightly in the stew, and the rest of the materia went safely into the drawer.  
  
"Guys! Stew's ready!" Yuna called, turning off the stove.  
  
Wakka ran in, and Tidus ran in, and so did Auron, and Lulu just happened to be finishing her drive around and parked in the driveway, going inside.  
  
Wakka was the first in line to get dinner, so Yuna poured the first helping of stew onto his plate. The material that had dropped into the cooking stew had boiled, mutating it, and changed around some of the magic cells inside, making it a "Fertilization Materia". Wakka had happened to get the scoop of stew that contained this materia, and little did he know that he had just swallowed it.  
  
Yuna finished pouring the stew onto all of their plates, and they all sat down for dinner. Yuna and the rest of them all finished eating, and Wakka smiled at Yuna. Yuna smiled back, blushing, and the both of them saying nothing, the rest of them split up and went back to their duties, except Tidus, who went to the backyard to have a swim in the lake while watching Auron train with Lulu and Mog.  
  
"Hey baby," said Wakka, as Yuna walked into the bedroom. Yuna shut and locked the door, and Wakka brushed his chest with his large hand. "Come to papa."  
  
Yuna skipped over, and rubbed her hand on his chest. "You're so warm - let's do this!"  
  
Yuna hopped into the bed and Wakka did so too.  
  
One hour later, Yuna and Wakka got dressed again.  
  
After sleeping, the next day, Wakka awoke to a strange feeling. "Um.Yuna, the stew last night was good - but I'm afraid something's wrong."  
  
Wakka went to the bathroom, and after hearing a half hour of painful, constipated sounding squeezing noises, Wakka emerged, panting and unhappy. "Well that's not it," said Wakka, still feeling uncomfortable.  
  
Yuna put a finger to her chin and looked at him.  
  
"You should go to the doctor," she suggested.  
  
So Wakka did, and the results were horrific.  
  
"I'M PREGNANT?!?!" screamed Wakka.  
  
Wakka ran around the hospital screaming in trauma for the next hour. When he came back, he was panting hard.  
  
Wakka burst into tears. "This isn't right - this isn't right! Yuna, you did something wrong!"  
  
Yuna shook her head, blushing slightly. "It can't be that - I'm not.I don't have sperm," said Yuna.  
  
Wakka laughed. "Ha, or so you think. I think Yuna's a she-male."  
  
Yuna looked astounded. "Naw.it's not right."  
  
Yuna rubbed her chin again. "Hmm.."  
  
Well, Wakka had eaten that Fertilization Materia and was now pregnant. The next problem was trying to produce the child successfully. 


	2. What Is It?

-Authors Note- "Thanks for submitting my first review"  
  
Chapter Two - What is it?  
  
Wakka groaned. He was in the delivery room, wincing with every contraction.  
  
"Now I see how it must feel for Yuna and Lulu to have kids," he moaned.  
  
Yuna looked worried. "How is it going to come out? And for one thing - this is scientifically impossible! Wakka doesn't have a uterus! And neither does he have a hole for the baby to come out of!"  
  
Tidus looked over, smirking. "SCIENCE? Who cares abouts science? We use magic and materia! Talk about scientifically impossible!"  
  
Wakka cried out. "HEY - I THINK I'M HAVING IT!"  
  
Yuna leaned closer and took Wakka's hand. The doctor rushed in, laughing and talking on her cell phone. Yuna looked up, glaring, and the doctor put the cell phone away.  
  
"Well now, what a strange incident," said the doctor. "A male having a child - I'm surprised the press isn't here!"  
  
Yuna shook her head. "No time for that - it's coming!"  
  
~This is a point in the story we must interrupt - for noting the fact that Yuna WAS right, something like this is scientifically impossible, and if you have proof of a human male giving birth to a child, we would like you to SCREAM and question humanity. That is all, thank you!~  
  
The doctor began taking out the baby. She announced, "I can see it's..." complete silence. "Err...what would you call that?"  
  
Wakka opened his eyes. "Come on! Please say it's normal!"  
  
Yuna became impatient. "No, no no! Just get it out now, and we can question it later!"  
  
The doctor shrugged, and continued helping the baby out. (Please do not ask how it managed to get out.)  
  
Eventually the baby was completely out, and the doctor hurried to wrap up the green, hairy, bug-eyed, fat THING that came out.  
  
"Is he healthy?" Asked Wakka with a sigh, finally relaxing.  
  
Yuna just stared.  
  
Tidus just stared.  
  
The doctor just stared.  
  
The baby chocobo just stared back. 


	3. Kweh!

Chapter Three - Kweh!  
  
"Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh! Kweh!"  
  
.  
  
".Kweh!"  
  
Wakka sat up and groaned, partly from pain of his previous childbirth, and partly from the noise. "Ughhhhhh! Will SOMEONE get the little *bleep* to shut up?!?!?"'  
  
Tidus and Yuna were getting busy in the next room, so they didn't hear a word Wakka said.  
  
Wakka got out of bed, still groaning and clutching his stomach, and limped over to the baby chocobo. He picked it up, held it firmly in his arms, and slapped it on the back. It hiccupped.  
  
Wakka sighed, now that the baby was silent. He set the baby chocobo back down and went back to the bed. He fell asleep.  
  
-30 minutes later-  
  
"KWEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!?!?!?!?!?!"  
  
"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"  
  
Wakka sat up and blinked. He stared across the room. Standing there, with her hands up for protection, and being nearly pecked to death by the chocobo, was a girl with straight black hair, a long blue dress, and blue arm warmers on her arms.  
  
A stranger, a woman, had gotten in. They didn't know how; (but it should be obvious to them - they left their door unlocked!) Wakka looked at the woman (who you can now guess is Rinoa Heartilly from FF8), and reached down to the side of his bed.  
  
"H-hey, call your guard bird off!" cried Rinoa, backing up against the wall. She flung her foot out weakly to fend off the baby bird, but nothing worked. It kept coming back. "Kweh! Kwehh!? Kwehhhhhhhhh!?!?!?!"  
  
Wakka reached down and pulled out his gun. He fired at Rinoa, shouting, "Get - out - of - my - house!" (.chapter four coming soon.) 


	4. Gil Thief

Chapter Five - Gil Thief  
  
"What the?!?" cried Yuna, opening up the door, practically screaming. She had heard the gunshots, and was holding bedsheets over her in a frenzy to see what was going on.  
  
"My god! Wakka, stop firing that gun! And woman, who are you?!?" Yuna stared Rinoa.  
  
Rinoa glared. "I've come to steal your gil, that's all!"  
  
Tidus emerged from the room as well. "People, people," he said calmly. "Can we just be friends here? I don't want Yuna to bother you people right now. Sooo - calm it down a little bit!" Tidus tugged on Yuna's arm, but Yuna refused to budge.  
  
"I sense something - Yunalesca tells me that you're a sorceress! And a summoner as well!" Yuna glared back at Rinoa.  
  
Rinoa smirked and crossed her arms. "So what?"  
  
"Well...? Why are you here to steal our gil? Can't you win any gil from battles? Don't you battle?"  
  
Rinoa shook her head, and lowered it. "No...since the Galbadian War ended...Squall ditched me for a hot chick in Galbadia (the woman walking down the street with the poodle near the mansion and a bridge!) and I've been struggling to make it on my own since then. Sorceresses don't go over well on Gaia, it seems."  
  
Tidus rolled his eyes sarcastically. "Yeah, yeah yeah, we don't care, blah blah blah. Come on Yuna, get in here!" Tidus tugged on Yuna's arm again, but Yuna ignored him.  
  
"So why'd you pick our house to steal gil from?" asked Yuna.  
  
"Because...Shiva told me you had Aeons in too - you are the master summoner I suppose?" Rinoa asked Yuna.  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Well...can I borrow some Aeons?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Aww..."  
  
"Fine, I'll just be in here by myself!" Shouted Tidus, going back into the room and slamming the door.  
  
A few moments later, groaning sounds and more groaning could be heard. "Ohh.....Tidus......ohhhhhhhh man, you sure satisfy yourself...."  
  
Yuna put a finger up, still using the other hand to hold the bedsheets up. "One moment." She turned around, opened the door, and looked in. Tidus was caressing his back slowly, running his hands through his hair passionately, and kissing his arms, and twisting himself into various sensual positions, still groaning.  
  
Yuna glared at Tidus now. "Can you cut it out?!?!?"  
  
Tidus didn't look up, but paused his groaning to respond, "Not until you join me, honey."  
  
Yuna shook her head and slammed the door, walking back out.  
  
The groaning got louder.  
  
Yuna looked at Rinoa again, while Choco was pecking its beak at the wooden walls of its crib and flapping its baby wings furiously to get out and fly an attack at Rinoa. Rinoa looked up. "Sorry I broke in," she said, embarrassed.  
  
"Hmph. It's okay. But next time -" Yuna looked out the window and pointed to a house across the street (which coincidentally was Zidane and Garnet's house), "Jack up that house over there."  
  
Rinoa shrugged and nodded. "Thanks. Oh, and thanks for not calling the police."  
  
Rinoa ran over to the window, flung it open, and leaped out. She ran across the street and pried open the window.  
  
Yuna laughed, then turned back around. "Now if you'll excuse me..." Yuna hurried to shut and lock the windows first, then ran around locking all the doors. Finally she came back upstairs and went to Tidus's room. "I'll continue to enjoy myself in here." She shut the door and continued her business.  
  
Wakka sighed and put his gun away. He hadn't said a word during that whole conversation, but it was best, because he hadn't known what to say. He simply looked at Choco lovingly for a moment, then layed back down and went to sleep again. 


End file.
